First I wanna thank everyone that actually thought to nominate me for the blog awards. I got nominated in the "Controversial" and "Humorous" categories. Thanks a lot guys!!!
Now to today's post:
"So you don't have a boyfriend?" I asked my friend Kemi "No, not at the moment" she replied. "So how do you manage your conji?" I asked. (a question that I for some reason seem to ask every female that says to me they don't have a man. I find it really curious. lol) "Nothing" she replied "You use your hand or a vibrator then?", "Me? God forbid!, why would I use my hand when I can go out and get it? No o, I don't do that abeg" ("look at this mumu" I thought to myself. "Didn't you just say you've been single for the past 6 months? Why haven't you gone out there and gotten a man to have sex with since??!!!")
Most girls claim they have and will never go down on a man. "Ewww" they say. Most guys like to claim they would never go down on a girl with pubic hair, and I can't help but picture how a guy meets this one hot chic at the club one night, She has the biggest back and front ever seen on any lady, she has the shortest dress on so that her thighs are sweaty and gleaming off those disco lights, she's grinding on him so mad he can't breathe, then suddenly she stops, turns around and whispers in his ear "lets got to your place". They hurry off, get in a cab, he starts to fondle her, she slaps his hands off "wait till we get to yours babes" by this time homie is literally bursting with excitement, they get to his, she drops her clothes within a second of getting in, turns around to face him, lo and behold, she has quite some bush down there, and bros rushes out the door shouting after the driver to come back and take her back home? yeah right!
The one that gets to me is when my fellow men claim they NEVER masturbate! You'ld think it was equal to bathing with dog piss! NEVER EVER! they claim, also coming up with the excuse, "Why should I masturbate when I can go out and get a girl?" "Oya come go get the girl make I see you na? You sabi get girl na im you follow me sitdown here dey smoke my igbo finish abi?"
I've got these two friends who live together, and one of them has a habit of recording his sexual sessions on his laptop which he has facing the bed through which he was also playing some slow music, but while also recording, unknown to these girls. So the other one had brought the laptop to school one day to do his coursework with when he went, "ehen, SugarKing come see another video wey sexy (that's what he called himself. lol) do last night". Omo, come see as the babe just dey get into her zone mehn, screaming and thrashing and all. But that's not where I'm getting to with this. It was the first few moments when the video started. It was "sexy" facing the camera, setting it up and all, and saying in hushed tones what he was about to do (the girl was getting ready with a shower I think) and while he held the mouse in the right hand, he was actually stroking himself with the left! perhaps warming up. And I said to my friend "Him dey wank abi wetin?" it was his reply that shocked me. With a vigorous shaking of the head, he replied "No! him no dey wank" I had to stare at him "do my eyes deceive me or what? He clearly is stroking himself on camera and your defending him so strongly! HOW WOULD YOU SO KNOW HE DOESN'T WANK? IS THERE SOMETHING YOU BOTH HAVE BEEN UP TO IN THAT YOUR HOUSE?" I asked the man. lol
I mean, what's the big deal if you go down on a guy or if you masturbate or you use toys? It's all sex isn't it? It is all aimed to please, whether it is our very selves or someone else. Especially guys that claim they Never masturbate. I can understand that its a once-in-a-while thing for you, but NEVER? that's a bloody lie, and we both know that. lol. What's so sinful about it sef? It's sex with yourself, not to mention that it is the safest sex out there these days, so what are you talking about?
I had a friend narrate how a girl (whity sha, u gotta love them! lol) flipped him on his back, lifted his balls out of the way and proceeded to give him an "Ass wipe" with her tongue! (yeah, I can hear the "ewws" already lol) No be person born them?
These days when I meet people that swear they don't do this or they don't do that, I can't help wondering aloud "Do they still make people like you? Really?"
This entry was posted
on Sunday, 6 June 2010
at 12:55
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