It was 9.45 p.m two days ago, I had just finished from work after a hectic day and had gotten on the infamous bus 53 on my way home. It was quite a packed bus sha. Apparently people were on their way home too. I had to stand, myself and a couple others as all the seats were taken. It was then that I heard a phone ring behind me. See I'm not saying I haven't had a phone ring near me before, but it was just some weird type of ring tone on that phone mehn. It rang again and I just had to turn to see the owner and what type of phone it was. I was amazed at what I discovered.
The owner of the said phone was a man in his mid 40's thereabouts. And no there was no phone, he had rang himself and answered his call, WITH HIS MOUTH!!!!! I stared in amazement at him! Get me he was both caller and callee!!! He sounded like he was a cop taking an emergency call on his radio from head-quarters, directing him to check some domestic disturbance issue at some location. I turned around to see whether anyone else was as taken with this development as I was, when I locked eyes with an old lady who pointed a finger at her head in a circular motion. Then it dawned on me, SUGARKING WAS NOW WITNESSING HIS FIRST MAD WHITEMAN!!!!
What's funny is that I had often wondered what an oyinbo mad man would look like. The picture of a mad man from back home was simple and clear; a stark naked dada man trudging the streets from one end of the state to another, his koboko swinging from side to side like no man's business. Hell, I even remember once when I was much younger, 16 I think, and we had gone home, my whole family for Christmas. So it was Christmas day and we were all in church (damn, I miss those days sha. Look, I can't even describe it, forget all those things they do in the city churches, but you knew you were in church, when you were IN the village church! from the reverend's sermon to the choruses!!!! In Igbo!! What I would give to see them days again!) So we were in church like I was saying, when Dee Ntu waltzed in and made his way to the altar.
Now you see, Dee Ntu, was the village mad man. (Noticed that I refered to him as dee? dee is igbo for "elder". Now forget that he was mad, but dem no born you well say you mention dee Ntu name, you no put "dee" for the front. Chai, Dee Ntu will show you that your own madness is no where near his own, you will go home to your parents who will still beat you shege for not reverencing the man properly, not to mention that it would be told in the whole village that a mad man beat you. Just picture that first. No I'm waiting. hehehe. Igbo people don't mess around with respect o. lol.) I can't remember exactly how he went mad, but everyone knew he was a mad man.
One of the wardens immediately ran and intercepted him, trying to steer him away from his mission to the altar. "Dee Ntu bia, bia nununu, Dee Ntu! Dee Ntu bia!" the warden said. Dee Ntu didn't find it funny one bit. "Unu ahula (have you people seen) what they are preventing me??" Dee Ntu protested, Kanye-shrugging and exiting the church. You had to be there to understand how funny the whole episode was. My brothers and I were cracking up in our seats. Dee Ntu killed it!
But this white man was well dressed, well fed, well kept and looked well presentable. I wondered why he wasn't in some institution or something with the excellent healthcare (compared to urs sha) they have here. He was even riding the bus!!! Imagine a mad man sitting next to you in a molue stark naked asking you "fine girl, na where you dey go?" lol.
P.s. Yeah So I got interviewed by the delectable Sting at/from Blog(s)ville. If you haven't been there, please see here!
And I want to correct some errors I said on it with regards Roc Naija. What I meant to say was him saying he sucked at fiction hence only wrote real stories not "Some of this is true and some are just fiction" as seen on the interview (my mistake not Sting's)
I also want to say that I wasn't implying Nice Anon was a guy (we all know she isn't), I was only trying to make a point that I personally do not stress to find out how real or fake the blogger is, I am only interested in how they write what they write. Apologies if I offended you guys!!!!
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